The Impact of a Father

Today was another reminder about the impact of a father in a child's life. One of the biggest things missing in the lives of children are honorable fathers who display love for their children. As the number of single parent homes rise (most of them being run by the mother) and the number of fathers in prison rises, I see the results of this abandonment more and more. Today I sat down with a student who has struggled with behavior issues the whole semester. I asked him if he had any brothers and sisters and after a little hesitation he answered, "I think I have 8." He told me he lives with a younger brother and sister and that his father is in jail. There is no father in his life, no honorable man to follow in the footsteps of. How is he going to know how he should act and how to respect a woman, when all he sees is abandonment from his father. This is the first background story I have heard from a student in my class, and it broke my heart.
Later that day another student, a boy who is always disrupting class mentioned that his father had passed away. A completely different circumstance, but again a loss of a father. I do not know if he has a step-dad or a father-figure in his life, but what an impact a father makes. Tonight I watched "Bridge to Terabithia" and about half-way through the movie you find out the bully of the school is being abused by her dad. Even though this is just a story, this happens all the time. The abuse of a father deals huge wounds to the hearts of children.
These stories have made me examine my own behavior and attitude. Everything I do will impact my child's life, will in someway direct my child's view of a father and what a man should be. It makes me reflect on the question, how should an honorable man live his life? I believe one of the biggest things missing in this society is respect. Respect for others, for authority, and for parents. For women it may be the respect for yourself and for men I know respect for women is lacking. As young men see their fathers abandon their mothers by abuse or going to jail and see their fathers lack of respect for women, the problem only seems to get worse. How is my attitude? Would my attitude, actions, and words reflect a Godly man who seeks to live in the joy and freedom of a Great Creator? What a hurt and deep wound the children of this world have and yet we expect them to climb out of their circumstances and become something great with a broken heart and broken mind. We are telling these young men and women to callous their hearts because this is life and this is just how it is. People, this is not how it is supposed to be and never let your heart or mind believe that. The lies of Satan are clever and witty, but our God created us for a greater purpose and created us with something unique called the Heart, which allows us to Love and care for others. Our hearts have been broken though through many different ways and Satan has these lies that tell us to harden our hearts. These feelings have become something that is viewed as pain, but it is something great and wonderful, something that makes us come alive. The Love of a Father, dying on a cross so we could be saved. This is the role of a father, that we would Love our children so much that we would do anything to be there with them through everything, to Love them enough to sacrifice everything, putting to death our selfishness that exist. Oh, the impact of a father. Thank you Jesus for showing us what Love is and help us to Love like you have Loved us!

Where is my heart?

The past week I have spent a lot of time seeking the answer to this question. As I draw towards the end of my college career I continue to seek out my heart and where I really desire to serve God once I am done with school. This past week has been a time of seeking out my heart and what truly is important. It has been an interesting week as I have felt extreme Joy in gazing upon the face of the Almighty, frustration as I push on through school, confusion as I seek out my heart and try to discover what really makes me come alive, and finally a lot of pain and sorrow as a friend struggles through extremely difficult times.
The past week has been filled with so many feelings and has left me confused. What is the best way for me to serve God and help others? This past weekend I had the most difficult conversation that I have ever had. Nothing else has even come close in my dealings with situations. Having someone I love in so much pain and helplessness and not being able to be there with him as he suffered through something that I can not even imagine was so hard. I wanted so bad to be there with him giving someone to stand in his corner. As I talked to him on the phone I felt so much pain and sorrow and desire to be able to push him through this and help him see a brighter future.
As this lays heavy on my heart and I desire so badly to help him through his struggles, I'm struggling to find where my heart really is. As I continue to grow in so many areas I have begun to take up the adventure that God has placed all of us in. Growing up I have been such a home-body and I loved just being around home and never really drew myself into the adventure that life is. I still love Home more than anything, but I have taken up the adventure and being in Colorado only deepened this desire to allow myself to follow wherever God leads. Maybe it's not the magnificent mountains of the Rockies, but no matter where He calls me, I know it's going to be an adventure. Now I must discover what my heart truly desires to do for the next phase of my life. I draw so much joy in working with kids and seeing the potential in students. It's awesome to watch them grow and see their faces when something clicks in their minds. I also enjoy working with older people and listening to the wisdom that they provide from years of experience. I love working with people my own age who are struggling and looking for someone to encourage them and someone to show them love when it may feel like their all alone. I love working with those who have no one to stand in their corner, who have no voice and have no escape to see a brighter future.
Through all these things I have no idea which direction I desire to go. Over the past month my heart has been drawn back to Kenya on so many occasions and I would love to return someday to again learn so much from the people there. But working with the students here in Marion I see the need for many of these students to have a father-figure in their lives. I absolutely love these students. Many do not have the support or love at home and you can see this in the students. They have such a need to have not only someone love them, but someone to show them the values that God ask of us.
One thing that I always know is that no matter where my heart leads me, I have a friend who will be there no matter where I go and that He works all things for good. For the Lord has done great things for me and I shall find JOY in serving Him no matter where He leads!

Your Beautiful!

Standing at the top of the mountain at over 10,000 feet looking down over the valley with snowcapped mountains standing around me in every direction as the sun glistens off the snow. It's hard to believe that the creator of all this desires to have a personal relationship with me! I stood at the top of the mountain in utter amazement of what surrounded me. Made me think of the example that John Piper used when he read the comic strip that said, "Ever notice how the best moments in life are the ones that make you feel the most insignificant?" I felt so insignificant. I have the opportunity to serve God who has crafted the most beautiful mountains.
As most of you know, I love Colorado! The mountains make me stand in awe and are so humbling. One thing that I enjoy is hiking and enjoying God's creation. Hiking relaxes me and is my way of bringing everything back into perspective. Then skiing for the first time, boy was that an adventure. No bunny hills here, but it made the experience that more adventurous. God has placed all this beauty around me and this journey is filled with so much adventure, I absolutely love it. I was so nervous and scared before starting but once I got to the mountain I told myself, "I'm going to enjoy this adventure that God has allowed me to be a part of." I find so much joy in getting out in God's nature, especially here in the Rockies. Overlooking the valleys, looking up at the mountains, and seeing the face of a God that is beautiful!

God is so good!

God is so good, He's so good to me! So many times I look past all God has done for me. Instead of praising God with all I am, I become selfish and try to please my self with worldly desires instead of praising God by being selfless and looking to help others. I have found myself so many times becoming prideful and looking at possessions and time as mine. I was thinking yesterday how I put labels on everything. Nothing is mine, not possessions, not time, not money, nothing. It is all God's and has blessed me with being a steward of HIS!! possessions. I am to worship God with everything I do, everything I watch, everything I hear, and with my attitude. Oh how I fail to live a life completely dedicated to God.
Do I really believe that what I believe is really real? If so why am I so hesitant to fully trust God to provide, why do I doubt so much that God can move mountains. My God can move mountains, he can do all things. I have a personal relationship with God, a loving relationship and He has allowed me to serve Him. Wow, I have the opportunity to serve the creator of all things. I have been so challenged over the past few days to really step out, serve others, and to try and be selfless, looking to pour out the Love of Christ on those around me. God is good, all the time!

Me not being me!

The past 2 weeks have been so weird for me. I haven't felt like myself, I haven't acted like myself, and I've been extremely selfish and rude and discouraging to those around me. In no way have I exemplified Christ through my attitude. I have felt like the last 2 weeks I have constantly been in a dazed state of mind. When you get lightheaded and feel like everything around you is just jumbled, thats what I've felt like for 2 straight weeks.

I can't explain what was wrong, cause even now I can't think of why I was like this. It seems like it was a huge spiritual battle. In the past 2 weeks I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to take away the state of mind I was in and that I could have an attitude of humbleness and looking our for others. Yet I struggled so much to do these very things. It wasn't until this past Thursday that I finally started feeling a little more like myself, yet Friday afternoon I was still harsh. I have been so rude to all my friends, and despite this they have stood behind me. Friday though, one of best friends again continued to be there and tried to start conversation, but the first thing I did was make a rude and disrespectful comment. I care so much for these friendships, yet I nearly destroyed this one. After the comment I just started to think about what I have been doing, the way I have been acting, and how much I really care for these friendships. I have missed them so much this semester and my own stubborn attitude kept me from seeing this.

It's been a rough two weeks physically, spiritually, and relationally. I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. I'm again longing to use the gifts God has given me to help others. I want to be there for all of you. So I'm sorry for my attitude of selfishness and being a downer. Thank you all for sticking by me through this.

A Wonderful Break!

Many times when I go home on break I struggle with being away from everyone at school and struggle with being myself. This past Christmas break was the best break I have had since being at college. I felt more confidence in myself, I felt like myself. I felt much more peace about where I was, where things where going and knowing that God is in control. I thought a lot about this past semester and things that I need to improve on and how I need to change my focus from the self-centeredness to things not being about me at all. Everything is about God. John Piper's talk at Passion keeps coming back following his sermon and how God is a jealous God and it is all about Him, not about me but about Him. What a journey this past year and a half has been and I have had so many learning experiences and have had to evaluate myself many times to make sure my focus is on God.

I enjoyed a lot of time with my family this break and it was good. Looking over my schedule for the year of 2010 it appears that I will only be able to go home one weekend during this semester and I will have a week at home at the end of August, so it was good to spend a lot of time with my family.

I went to Atlanta for a four day college age conference called Passion and it was amazing. Being able to worship with 22,000 college students just lifted my spirits, knowing that the next generation does really care to make known the name of Jesus! It was encouraging and it was challenging. The speakers were terrific and really challenged me to be bolder and a brighter light.

Over the past couple months I have struggled with understanding God's plans and why certain things happen. It's been a struggle for me to not receive what I want but following God's path for my life. Towards the end of break I finally started receiving some freedom from my own desires and just gazing upon the face of God in awe saying here's my life, take it and make it new. Finally saying God it is all about you, refine my heart, let me die to myself and pour my heart and soul out to you. What a struggle though to give up on something we long for and to just step back and say, "God, where you lead I will follow!" I ask for prayer in this area. At points I struggle greatly with questioning why God has done what He has and have many times bring myself down with thoughts of my weaknesses. I pray that I would not gaze upon my weaknesses but always keep in mind that God has given me talents and that it's not about me. That I would pour myself out to His will, not mine. All of you have been so great, and have been such an encouragement! I thank you for your prayers, and continue to ask for prayers because the next couple months really are going to be a struggle and I know there is no greater weapon in the world than prayer! I really believe that, so please continue to pray, and please let me know if I can ever do anything for you! God Bless and have a wonderful day! With the love of Christ!

Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is so great! Get all kinds of good food, watch some football, and get to see the whole family again. It's also a time to really reflect on the past year and everything that I have to be thankful for. That's one thing I love about holidays is the time to reflect. This past year has definitely been the biggest growing experience that I have had.

It's hard to think about all that has taken place in one year. I could not even start to describe everything that has happened (actually I have, but it's turned into a 35 page paper). I have developed my faith and have really challenged myself in what I really believe. I have been so challenged by friends in my faith and this past summer was such a great growing experience. Not having anyone there to keep me accountable, I had to challenge myself to keep faithful in my faith.

This semester alone has had enough growing experiences to write another 50 pages. God has made me take a hard look at myself, my goals, and where my heart really is. Before last school year, I completely relied on those around me. Over this past year, I have slowly begun to trust God for my every need.

This semester I have learned a lot about friendship. I have had to fight to keep friendships for the first time that I can ever remember. I have not done a great job of doing this, instead I have many times thought I just wanted to give up. At times I have been so frustrated with my friends that I don't really want to fight for my friendship. Over the past few weeks I have discovered how special my friends are and how much they have done for me and how I really do want to fight for their friendship. Between fighting for friends, developing new friends, and the changes in other friendships, it has been a test, challenge, and adventure. God has shown me so much through them.

There is so much to be thankful. God has done so much. I'm so thankful for everything, and for being able to have a personal relationship with the One who created everything we see. God is good, all the time!