Over the summer I've definitely struggled to read the Bible and pray. This has always been a struggle for me and that struggle has only increased by being here. I never really have time on my own, which at this point in the summer is really hard. I'm a guy that loves to just relax on my own and out in nature. Living in the city makes that hard to do, and working all the time. Working six days a week is starting to take it's toll on me. My body is starting to fall apart, and spiritually I have really been hurting.
This past week has been especially hard on me. Last weekend was great, going to Carmen's house was really good and really gave me a spiritual boost. Now though I've crashed and I'm ready to be home. Emotionally I've been struggling, physically I haven't been taking care of myself, and spiritually I am far from where I need to be. Right now I just feel like I'm not really having an impact on anyone and right now I really have the desire to do missions full time. I really do not know where God wants me in the future, but lately I've been feeling that I need to be in full time missions.
I know that God can use me in a mighty way, but I get down on myself so easily that many times this gets in the way. I struggle with self-doubt a lot and I let my mind take me down and that is one of the ways Satan attacks me.
So right now I'm really struggling to find where God wants me to go and how I can best be a disciple for Him. God has taught me a lot this summer, though I have not done a good job staying in communication with Him. It's been a great experience and a good way to get out of the bubble. I know God will use this experience and will continue to work in me.
Scott, thanks for sharing all of this!
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand but hey, you already called it out that it is one of satan's attacks. STOP listening to the enemy! Yeah it's really hard, but call out those lies when you see them and then go get into Scripture and be reminded of the Truth that you know. Just remember that God is who He says He is and He can do what He says He can do!
Right now you might be feeling that you are not making an impact on anyone but I guarantee you that you are just by being who you are. You're a great guy, just don't get too hard on yourself. This is coming from someone who is too hard on herself as well so I'm with ya.
Nothing you do for the Lord is EVER useless (1 Corinthians 15:58,NLT). And where you are right now is where the Lord wants to USE YOU!
Continuing to pray for you.
:)