I can't explain what was wrong, cause even now I can't think of why I was like this. It seems like it was a huge spiritual battle. In the past 2 weeks I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to take away the state of mind I was in and that I could have an attitude of humbleness and looking our for others. Yet I struggled so much to do these very things. It wasn't until this past Thursday that I finally started feeling a little more like myself, yet Friday afternoon I was still harsh. I have been so rude to all my friends, and despite this they have stood behind me. Friday though, one of best friends again continued to be there and tried to start conversation, but the first thing I did was make a rude and disrespectful comment. I care so much for these friendships, yet I nearly destroyed this one. After the comment I just started to think about what I have been doing, the way I have been acting, and how much I really care for these friendships. I have missed them so much this semester and my own stubborn attitude kept me from seeing this.
It's been a rough two weeks physically, spiritually, and relationally. I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. I'm again longing to use the gifts God has given me to help others. I want to be there for all of you. So I'm sorry for my attitude of selfishness and being a downer. Thank you all for sticking by me through this.