Saturday, January 30, 2010

Me not being me!

The past 2 weeks have been so weird for me. I haven't felt like myself, I haven't acted like myself, and I've been extremely selfish and rude and discouraging to those around me. In no way have I exemplified Christ through my attitude. I have felt like the last 2 weeks I have constantly been in a dazed state of mind. When you get lightheaded and feel like everything around you is just jumbled, thats what I've felt like for 2 straight weeks.
I can't explain what was wrong, cause even now I can't think of why I was like this. It seems like it was a huge spiritual battle. In the past 2 weeks I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to take away the state of mind I was in and that I could have an attitude of humbleness and looking our for others. Yet I struggled so much to do these very things. It wasn't until this past Thursday that I finally started feeling a little more like myself, yet Friday afternoon I was still harsh. I have been so rude to all my friends, and despite this they have stood behind me. Friday though, one of best friends again continued to be there and tried to start conversation, but the first thing I did was make a rude and disrespectful comment. I care so much for these friendships, yet I nearly destroyed this one. After the comment I just started to think about what I have been doing, the way I have been acting, and how much I really care for these friendships. I have missed them so much this semester and my own stubborn attitude kept me from seeing this.
It's been a rough two weeks physically, spiritually, and relationally. I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. I'm again longing to use the gifts God has given me to help others. I want to be there for all of you. So I'm sorry for my attitude of selfishness and being a downer. Thank you all for sticking by me through this.

1 comment:

  1. I haven't commented in a while, so I definitely should on this one especially since you posted this at ELEVEN ELEVEN! hehe :)

    I can really see satan trying to take his place in each of our lives, but we can't let him wreck our lives. He has no place!!! Satan wouldn't waste his time with someone that he wasn't scared of...someone that wasn't going to better the Kingdom. I really think that all this mood of yours is going to turn in to is a greater Joy for the One who wants your all! So just try to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, even when it seems like it is nowhere in sight...because it will come. Remember Piper, God causes everything to work together for His glory because He wants to be happy and wants us to be happy so that he can be even more happy! :)

    But I know what you mean though about a rough two weeks both physically, spiritually, and relationally...amen. Just remember that you are not alone.

    The body of Christ was designed to encourage one another. Of course we would like to think that God is our only Comfort..and HE IS!!..but He also created friends so we could lift each other up. We just have to remember to rely on Him and not just rely on our friends. They can't be our God. But friends are going to stick by one another whether one friend has a rough time or not. I can vouch for that one, or else I would have no friends right now hah.

    You are awesome Scott. And I'm glad you are my friend. And I am excited to see where all of this takes you!