Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Where is my heart?

The past week I have spent a lot of time seeking the answer to this question. As I draw towards the end of my college career I continue to seek out my heart and where I really desire to serve God once I am done with school. This past week has been a time of seeking out my heart and what truly is important. It has been an interesting week as I have felt extreme Joy in gazing upon the face of the Almighty, frustration as I push on through school, confusion as I seek out my heart and try to discover what really makes me come alive, and finally a lot of pain and sorrow as a friend struggles through extremely difficult times.
The past week has been filled with so many feelings and has left me confused. What is the best way for me to serve God and help others? This past weekend I had the most difficult conversation that I have ever had. Nothing else has even come close in my dealings with situations. Having someone I love in so much pain and helplessness and not being able to be there with him as he suffered through something that I can not even imagine was so hard. I wanted so bad to be there with him giving someone to stand in his corner. As I talked to him on the phone I felt so much pain and sorrow and desire to be able to push him through this and help him see a brighter future.
As this lays heavy on my heart and I desire so badly to help him through his struggles, I'm struggling to find where my heart really is. As I continue to grow in so many areas I have begun to take up the adventure that God has placed all of us in. Growing up I have been such a home-body and I loved just being around home and never really drew myself into the adventure that life is. I still love Home more than anything, but I have taken up the adventure and being in Colorado only deepened this desire to allow myself to follow wherever God leads. Maybe it's not the magnificent mountains of the Rockies, but no matter where He calls me, I know it's going to be an adventure. Now I must discover what my heart truly desires to do for the next phase of my life. I draw so much joy in working with kids and seeing the potential in students. It's awesome to watch them grow and see their faces when something clicks in their minds. I also enjoy working with older people and listening to the wisdom that they provide from years of experience. I love working with people my own age who are struggling and looking for someone to encourage them and someone to show them love when it may feel like their all alone. I love working with those who have no one to stand in their corner, who have no voice and have no escape to see a brighter future.
Through all these things I have no idea which direction I desire to go. Over the past month my heart has been drawn back to Kenya on so many occasions and I would love to return someday to again learn so much from the people there. But working with the students here in Marion I see the need for many of these students to have a father-figure in their lives. I absolutely love these students. Many do not have the support or love at home and you can see this in the students. They have such a need to have not only someone love them, but someone to show them the values that God ask of us.
One thing that I always know is that no matter where my heart leads me, I have a friend who will be there no matter where I go and that He works all things for good. For the Lord has done great things for me and I shall find JOY in serving Him no matter where He leads!

1 comment:

  1. I am praying for you, Scott! God has some crazy plans for you...just hang in there! I understand you exactly--and from my personal experience, God won't leave you hanging. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:6). You are so awesome and I know God will reward you and your yearning heart. He will show you His plans for Your life at just the perfect time. I know it must be frustrating though! But I KNOW that He has plans that are going to tie in ALL of those desires of your heart together! Love you Scott!