Freedom!

What does freedom mean? Well, to quote from Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary, it defines it as: A state of exemption from the power or control of another; liberty; exemption from slavery, servitude or confinement. So exemption from slavery or confinement. Not being controlled by another. Liberty! In a spiritual sense, it's breaking free of the confinement that Satan desires to trap us in. It's finding Truth!!! And in finding Truth we can expose the lies that so many believe. The lies hold many captive, and keep people drudging along with Satan holding a grip on the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of a person. When we are held in captivity it is not something we desire, but many times we fail to escape because the escape is painful, it's hard, and we are scared to fail and thus be placed back into bondage with more cruelty shown to us. But God has told us He will be with us, and though this does not keep us from experiencing pain, it does tell us that we will make it if we persevere.
Friends, this is a battle, a battle for the hearts of God's most beloved creation. It's a war and it is time to suit up with the armor of God. Our hearts should be breaking for the captives! In the past three months I have experienced such freedom from the lies that Satan had been holding me down with and I have never been filled with more joy!!! With true joy!! There is a level of urgency here. The longer people live in the lies the harder it is to break free. It's time to seek Truth and make known the lies, setting the captives free, so that those we Love can experience the same freedom that we have. Let's make Satan nervous. It's time to break free the chains!!!

What's to come?

Well, yet another year down, and another year of adventure. It truly has been a roller coaster year for me. I have been all over the board emotionally dealing with my degree, with my friends, and with my relationship with God. I went from being probably the furthest point I have ever been from God, to becoming the closest that I have ever been to God. In the past year I have learned so much from my mistakes and experiences. The Focus Leadership Institute has helped me learn from my experiences and has helped me see the uniqueness that God made me with. God has gifted me with some incredible strengths and has given me an incredible family and incredible friends who have been there for me through it all. I'm truly blessed to be where I'm at. In the past three months I have learned how to pursue God. I have learned the importance of recognizing my strengths and using those to serve God. I have continued to learn humility. I have seen how God really can use every experience to reveal something about himself.
God loves us. He hates to see us hurt and hates to see us ache. When we are hurting and don't understand the future, God is there with us, weeping. He wishes we could trust Him, because He knows our potential and our future and He hates to see us hurting because we fail to Trust. God does not make us fall into sin. As James says, "Nor does God tempt anyone, but each person is tempted when by his own evil desires he is dragged away and enticed." It's by our own evil desires that we fall from the Truth. But still God is there, wrapping His arms around us, whispering in our ears, "I love you!"
So often I pushed God away when He tries to come near. I refuse to allow anyone to come near to me. That selfish ambition creeps it's way in saying, "It's all about you!" Satan masquerades as an angel of light, tempting us with things that our human nature desires. And it is hard to resist. But James states, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you." God is calling us into a Holy communion with Him. He desires us and wants us to fellowship with Him. Search God, come near to Him. As it says in the book of James, "If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault. But when he ask, he must believe and not doubt." So seek out God in this new year, ask God for wisdom, but when you ask, believe what He tells you, even if it is hard. It's time to trust the Truth of God and to run into His open arms and hear his whisper, "I love you!"

Mask

Why do we put a mask on ourselves? Why is it that we feel we cannot share our hurts, fears, and failures? Why do we feel that we must put on a false self and feel the need for perfection? Several students shared the hurt they have felt over the years and the inability to express this hurt to those around them. One student gave a fantastic representation of what this looks like. She had in her hands, something that was wrapped with clothe, that protected it from being broken. She slowly unraveled all the clothe to reveal a vase, something fragile, yet something of beauty. This is us so many times. We hide ourselves, wrap ourselves in a false identity that keeps us from being broken, but hinders us from being useful and covers the beauty that we have. We tend to hide behind a false identity that grants us safety, but makes us miserable because we lose the joy of being who we were created to be.
I believe that a big part of this masking is due to our lack of community. We have failed to build a community where we can be open and vulnerable with each other. Something that was repeated over and over today as students shared, was how they had never experienced community like this before and how vital that is for us. God himself lives in community and desperately desires us to share in community with Him and those around us. We need a place where we all feel comfortable taking off our mask, where we share our failures and hurts and where we just live life and love. This is the challenge for all of us from FLI this semester and a challenge to everyone else to bring about a sense of community and to be the person God has created you to be!

Ready to Move

This has been the greatest growing experience of my life. I have learned so much about life and all the things that are around this world. I have spent three months in the greatest community I have ever known and have grown to love forty-three other students along the way. I have gained knowledge and wisdom, and have learned to be open and vulnerable. God has moved me so much from the beginning of the semester. It has been a painful and incredible transformation.
But I'm ready to be home. I miss my parents and just being around them, I miss my sisters and brothers and being able to hang out, and I miss my nephews. I have only seen them less than a week in the past eight months. I miss running around the house with the boys screaming "Uncle Scotty". I miss running across the yard to grandma's to get some cookies, and chat about life. I miss the smell of the farm. I miss dearly Milford Chapel and my church family and the youth group, who has been so faithful in prayer and encouragement to me over the past two years. I miss worshipping with this family and standing around an hour after church to just chat. I long to be home and to rest. It has been such a spiritual battle the past eight months, and has been draining.
Tonight I read through some of the notes of encouragement my mom has sent me over the past two years. These notes are so uplifting, even the second, third, and fourth times around, and every time bring tears to my eyes. They are so encouraging and always put my focus back on God. The last note I read, my mom ended with, "Remember that you just take one step at a time & the Lord will direct your path as you trust in him!" I am ready to step out and use what I have been learning, to take the wisdom of God out into the world. I love it here, I love the people here, but I am ready to be home with my family and with my friends from home. It has been an incredible experience, but I am ready to move on.

Leadership

"It's maturity when someone is attacking you and you look at their perspective and don't act out in anger." Thinking of them and not of yourself. It is so hard to not lash back when someone attacks our character and who we are. But it takes humility to come towards them in love and to realize that it's not about you and to look at things through the other person's eyes.
This came from class today, along with discussing the attitudes of a leader. Being a leader takes humbleness, initiative, being strong, courageous, and God focused. We discussed David and his leadership ability when he stepped forth to take on the mighty Goliath. He was humble in his ability, always giving glory to God. It took initiative for him to step up and say, "I will face Goliath." It took strength and courage to go before someone who was twice his size. What else did it take for this young man to go before the Philistine army? David had to know himself. He knew what his strengths were and he trusted God to give him protection. David stepped forth with five smooth stones, because he knew Goliath had four brothers, so once he had taken down Goliath, he would have enough ammo to take down Goliath's brothers. David was not going to miss, and he knew it. He had developed the skills that God has given him and took confidence in his ability.
God has blessed us all with certain abilities. No matter what those skills are, we are given opportunities to lead and to shepherd those around us. How many times do we take initiative to step forward in these situations? Do we have confidence in our abilities? Have we developed the abilities that God has given us? It is important to know what are strengths are and to develop these strengths so that we can use them to the best of our ability. It is not our role to be competent in every strength, for that is the beauty of community. We don't all have the same exact strengths, and God made us that way on purpose. He wants us to develop the skills we have and rely on those around us to help fill our weaknesses. Community is something glorious and it takes some humility to say, "I don't know it all and I'm not the greatest in this area, but I know those around me can do better in this area." It's using our talents and using the talents of those around us, combining these forces, when we become most effective. So I challenge all of you to discover your strengths, and develop those skills. Use what God has blessed you with.

My Top 5 Strengths: 1. Includer 2. Harmony 3. Empathy 4. Achiever 5. Positivity

Interesting

Interesting. That is how I would label the past week or so. It has been extremely busy as I have completed mid-terms finished a couple of books with extra reading on top of that, and have had really awesome classes. Meanwhile the spiritual warfare has heated up to go on top of this. It has been a week of battle for me spiritually and mentally. But I will start with classes first.
Monday we started the leadership part of my Gender and Leadership Class and it was incredible. Prof. Thomason told us the story of Ernest Shackelton who led an expedition to Antarctica and faced many trials but refused to leave a man behind. Such a great example of courage and tremendous leadership. Today's class in Marriage and Family was on sex. Interesting enough to stop right there. It is a little intimidating looking at marriage and how even an issue of sex has so many sub-issues within it. It was still a great class, but I become a little overwhelmed with all the issues that must be addressed in marriage. The reading has been really good, but it is a lot of reading. It's great to get such a great spectrum of knowledge from all the books we read.
But more than anything, the spiritual battle has been at the forefront of the past week. God has laid upon my heart to really pray for several different people over the past week. I have tried to dedicate more time and more concentration on this area, and since then Satan has been coming at me stronger. It's encouraging to know he is attacking more, because that must mean I'm becoming a bigger threat. It's great to win each little battle saying, "God is stronger! If God is with me, who can stop me!" Telling Satan he has no power over my God. But it is tiring, exhausting, and painful at times. Satan knows where to attack me, and I battle with these thoughts. Each time I have won the battle, but it does not go away. It returns time and time again, and it wears on me. Sometimes I believe the lies for a minute or two. I regret a lot of things I have done, I'm not even close to being perfect and I have made so many mistakes that have hurt those closest to me, but God has redeemed me. I no longer have to live in the past. I'm determined to learn from the past, but I make sure not to dwell on those mistakes. I wish dearly I could change some of the ways I have acted, some of the the actions I have done, but I'm a sinful man and I make mistakes and I can become stronger as a result of these mistakes.
It's been a learning process. In my Wordle Blog I listed the things that I am... from the start of the semester. The biggest one that I placed in there is "Being Healed" and this process is continuing. God has blessed me with so much healing, but it's a continual battle for me. Those scars are still there and scabbed over and Satan keeps rubbing them to try to open them back up. But God places His band-aid over them, protecting them from Satan's evil hand. God is doing incredible things in my life. He is and will continue to show me so much more over the next six weeks that I am here. I ask for your continued prayers in my life and those that are here with me. In a program like this where the spiritual world is discussed so much and so much revolves around this Institution that is proclaiming the Truth of God, we face heavy spiritual warfare. Your prayers mean so much. Thank you all so much. I love each of you dearly, and I can't wait to connect with you all again!

Learning from the Past

What do we do with our past failures and mistakes? This was somewhat the discussion that I had with Prof. Thomason. I struggle with blaming myself for things in the past. Satan knows my weakness to come down on myself and my tendency to say, "I failed!" It haunts me sometimes, looking back and seeing where I did not achieve and immediately Satan steps in and says, "If you would have done this things would be different" or "You just lack things to ever do this successfully." And those wounds cut deep! But talking with Prof. Thomason again allowed me to see those as lies, to not dwell on the things of the past, but to take them and learn from them. What are the positives that came out of events in the past and how can I use those to grow and work towards the future?
He took me to the quote of Michael Jordan when he said, "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." We will fail at times in our lives, but failure is not a bad thing. It teaches us valuable lessons and can inspire us to work harder and learn from these mistakes so we do not repeat them. Do mistakes and failures hurt? They can cut deep, deep wounds and are many times very painful, but we do not have to let them haunt us. God is the Great Healer and ultimately He wants us to look to Him in these times and ask Him to teach us and guide us, so that we can learn and grow to become better disciples of Christ.