I turned to God and spent more time in prayer and reading the Scripture that God has given me. In a time where I always thought I would be angry and have no peace about the future, God filled me with His incredible peace. When we struggle to achieve something and come up short, it's so hard to trust God that things will work out even better. And this has been a struggle for me over time, but this past week I felt God wrapping His arms around me, saying "I love you!!" I watched Rob Bell's Nooma Rain this past week and that's what I felt like. I'm going through a huge storm and I'm scared, but God pulls me close to Him just repeating, "I'm here with ya, I love you, your going to make it!" What a feeling.
Tonight I was reading through 1 John, and really looked at the love of God. One topic that several people have told me they are struggling with is fear. So many times I find myself falling into fear of so many different things. Many times I do not know how to respond, because I find myself struggling with it. Sure we know that God is in control of the future, but Satan comes in with his lies and gets us to really question ourselves and question God. But the topic of Love has been so strong, and tonight as I talked with 2 of my friends, the topic of Love came up and I stated how I can not even fathom the Love God has, because it is so perfect. Our earthly definition of love is so far from perfect, and the term becomes more and more loosely used, giving it even less significance and less meaning. God's Love is PERFECT! It's so awesome to know that I serve a God who created everything, but yet is personal enough and cares enough, to have a personal relationship with me and to pour out His Love for me. 1 John 4:16- 18 reads, "God is Love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Dealing with fear, God has given us His perfect Love, and if we live in Him we have nothing to fear. Easier said than done, but God's plans are so much bigger than our own and we can't even imagine what is ahead of us. It's so exciting all the things that God will do. It's so exciting the things He has done.
This past week has just been a time for me to seek out the greatness of God. I have spent so much more time in silence in the past week than I normally do, and it has been absolutely incredible! Constantly surrounded by the noise of this world, it was such a great blessing to just sit in silence. I went to the Prayer Chapel here on campus several times, and just sat and gazed upon the sculpture of Jesus praying in the garden, committing himself to the task of dying for our sins. As I sat in silence, just remembering what He has been done and how Satan has been defeated, God just filled me with a sense of peace. In the silence, that is when God has been working in me. When I just give Him time to speak, instead of me always asking for something or talking, allowing Him time to come to me.
The image that has filled my head this past week is me, walking towards God with my head hung low because of the sting that I received. At the time feeling so weak and like I failed, God ran towards me and wrapped his arms around me. As I sat in the prayer chapel the first time thinking about this, as God wrapped His arms around me I just felt myself place my head against His chest and I literally wept. Feeling so weak and like I was not worthy of His love, He held me and kissed me saying, "I LOVE YOU!" I realized that I did not fail. God did not want to see me hurt, but it was something that had to be done out of Love. God has been telling me, "My plans for you are so great, better than you could ever imagine." This has been a time of growing and learning how to Love. Through it all, God is there and I take joy in knowing that no matter what, God Loves me with the Perfect Love.
"But He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There fore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10