Friday, August 27, 2010

Satan's Work

I am at a point where I'm dreading Colorado. Over the past two months I have become less and less interested in attending the institute. It's frustrating losing all my excitement for this incredible program. It has been going through my head the past week to not even go, to just take a semester off. I have made it through the summer with really very little stress until the past week. Around last Wednesday I hit a wall and since then I have really lost interest in going to Colorado, and interest in the things I enjoy. I have lost a connection to who I am and to the things that are most important in life. I'm at a point where it's a struggle to describe the summer and what has been happening, because I'm at a point of such confusion. It's been a great summer, I have enjoyed the guys I work with, but somewhere I lost a connection, somewhere I lost me.
The last week has been a constant battle in my head. Since I hit that wall, I have been struggling mightily. I have felt attacked constantly by Satan, and it truly is a constant battle to distinguish between Truth and the lies. Unfortunately I feel I have been falling for the lies. And Satan knows where to attack, he knows my weak points. And somehow he has gotten me to a point of frustration, confusion, and a loss of passion. I have lost the fight to even doing anything about this terrible loss of myself, I don't feel like even fighting it, but am at a point where I just continue on in numbness to the world around me. I'm at a dangerous point, but it doesn't even bother me that much. It is frustrating being able to identify what is happening, but lack the passion to do anything about it. Like even writing this, how can I see it all happening, lay it all out there and still not care to do anything about it. Why???? I just don't want to do anything really. I just want to go live out in the middle of nowhere and just sit there for a while. Maybe I should be a monk? haha Not serious about that, but it is intriguing. I wish that I had the desire to fight, but I no longer do. I wish I could gain that excitement for Colorado that I had at the end of last semester. I miss the passion I had, the faith that I had, and the trust that no matter what God was in control. I have hit a deep valley and over the past couple days have realized that I need Focus more than ever. I still do not want to go, but I have to. I have to find what I have lost and be in a community of believers who are also searching for what God has for them. But please, I ask for your prayers, even though I lack to do this. All of you mean so much to me and I thank you for interest in me enough to read this. Satan has attacked each one of my friendships and it has become a daily battle, but I know that you are all there for me and I thank you so much for that. I love each one of you deeply!


  1. "I know that God loves me and I should not undo in doubt a decision I made in faith." 3/5/10

    Scott--this is from one of my professors I had while @ Liberty University. As I read your entry I thought of this quote from Dr. Jill Jones. It is one that has stuck with me.

    Trust in the faith you held in the moment you made the decision to go to CO! Satan know the mighty work that will come from you attending this institute and is doing everything he can to stop you! IWU Verse of the Year 2010-2011
    With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27 You are can't do this and it is bigger than you...but this is when God can show off His best work. Go my friend and join God in this work He has for you! Sending up prayers for you. Karla Karr

  2. Also from Dr. Jill Jones. She was killed by a drunk driver on August 8th...She taught me so much over the past year.
    The following is from the "Remembering Dr. Jill Jones" FB page. But I sat in a class where she shared this with us. I think it is appropriate for you as well.

    Dr. Jones talked about how a lion and lioness works together to catch their prey. A lion will show his face and roar;then the prey will run the other way. The lioness will be waiting for the prey to run the opposite way and will attack it. She said that is how Satan works. He shows his ugly head and expects you to run away. Don't fall for it. "Run toward the roar." We have power in Jesus and we should not be afraid of Satan. That is why we run toward the roar. If we don't, we will be destroyed anyway. She referenced a scripture verse with this story. I can't remember the exact one, but it may be this one.

    1 Peter 5:8 (King James Version)

    8Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: